Third Love and Hospice Experience

Lastly, I returned to Nashville to move in with my partner. His parents were in their 90s, and his dad was still driving. Soon, however, they would sell their house and move into a senior high-rise for easier mobility. His mom and dad were both using walkers, but his dad was still as sharp as he was years prior when he was a civil hydraulic engineer. His career was spent building impressive structures in the nation's waterways and environment. But now, at 100 years of age, his body was being ravaged by advanced renal disease. I would visit him, and we would flirt and laugh, discuss politics, religion, and his readiness to transition from this earthly world to his heavenly world. He was tired and hated all the monitors on his body to check his oxygen levels and such. He was also very tired of his frequent trips to the ER and hospital stays for life-saving adjustments to keep him going a little longer. But I knew he was hanging on for his family and his sweet wife, who actually seemed to be declining much faster than he mentally. 

Now, his fight was coming to an inevitable end. As we see all too often, his children, now in their 60s, did not want to accept that this man could no longer receive treatment to give him more time. I tried to help my best friend understand what was going on with his dad's body. Still, because of my position in the family, I knew I needed to not push too hard, despite knowing he was actively dying. A few days later, we said our last goodbyes to this remarkable man, whom I had come to love, adore, and respect as if I were his daughter. He trusted me with his secret: his wish to go "Home."

This is what an end-of-life advocate and an end-of-life Doula do every day. We ensure that humans, at their weakest and most vulnerable, are honored despite all else. Despite what the family wants and sometimes even despite what modern medicine thinks we should do. Thanks to his loving family and the Alive Hospice nurses, this man of faith had what we call "a good death. " His positive journey ended with his precious daughter reading him the 23rd Psalms at his bedside as he drifted off just after all his family stepped away from the bedside. 

We see that so much, don't we? People often wait to die after the family leaves, or they wait until after saying goodbye to someone specific. And that is my job to help guide families to understand the nuances of dying. To make sure that the patient had all his wishes honored until the very end.